Episode 10: Live at the Cave Comedy Radio Launch Party!/Transcript

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 * yeah devastating for young boy no look

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 * like the Pillsbury Doughboy until I was

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 * seven and then I got back hair yeah

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 * that's good oh my god this gets me home

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 * so much faster at night when I've

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 * listened to that song on my ipod because

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 * I just run from the shadows to light

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 * what the you ki is the creepiest the

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 * gucci is podcast

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 * this is Bugan vodka the last podcast on

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 * the left is Marcus Parks I'm Ben Kissel

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 * with co-host is always sir Henry

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 * Zebrowski and today there he is I'll

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 * tell you I just did the best luck with

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 * working with big breasted co-hosts

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 * Sansa's right you are amazing my friend

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 * who who's more alluring to sit next to

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 * though you are because I feel like I

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 * could actually have sex with you enjoy

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 * right you don't have a chance with Sara

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 * a beard I'm point though you and I

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 * that's the thing I have a dress that I

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 * don't want that I can only have sex with

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 * boys speaking of having sex with boys

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 * today we're talking about the very

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 * lovely the very curvaceous big-busted

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 * divine looking John Wayne Gacy yeah now

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 * the thing about John Wayne Gacy's he's a

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 * junior like me exactly his father saying

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 * about Wayne Gacy jr. his father used to

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 * call him assist II used to call him dumb

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 * used to call him stupid that's what he

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 * did everything that he did

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 * and he proved his father completely kind

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 * of right but also wrong yeah which is

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 * nice I'll tell you what a difference one

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 * name makes John Wayne Oh sounds like an

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 * American who's an actor I like that guy

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 * yeah the westerns and the guns John

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 * Wayne Gacy oh it's kind of American hero

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 * I like that guy with the torture in the

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 * kid absolutely it's 22 kids mmm he

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 * killed 22 kids and I say if you've ever

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 * been in a New York City Subway I want to

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 * thank you John Wayne Gacy yes I'm

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 * wishing off York City my friend clean up

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 * some of these kids I might John Wayne

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 * Casey's my my favorite serial killer if

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 * you're gonna choose one right well I

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 * think I feel like you're using that for

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 * selfish reasons because he's the only

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 * one that you could play on television

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 * absolutely

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 * I am if there was a biopic I will win an

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 * Oscar playing John Dacey's ha kids ha

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 * come closer Oh mom can I have some candy

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 * yeah you can

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 * hey fantastic I didn't die I didn't

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 * expect a torture rack but this ain't bad

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 * well I made the torture rack so I hope

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 * you appreciate it this torture rack took

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 * me three hours I watch it on this old

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 * house show some respect

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 * he had a torture rack so it fucked up I

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 * mean he's John Wayne Gacy everything

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 * that he did is fucked up but at the very

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 * least it's organized it's nice it's in

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 * his basement it's like you know when you

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 * go to John Wayne Casey's house you have

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 * a place to sleep

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 * absolutely under his house under his

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 * house for the eternal rest but he got

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 * the children by being one of the

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 * funniest kookiest clowns around ho ho

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 * the clown yeah what a fun clown he was

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 * if there is just a way to ruin clowns

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 * harder it's dress up as a clown and kill

03:03 22 boys well that's the thing that was 03:05
 * the beginning of the end I think I I

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 * will say this though John Wayne Gacy is

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 * only the second worst clown of all time

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 * the first worst clown is an Uncle Buck

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 * with the name of the asshole deal No

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 * Deal Howie Mandel yeah Howie Mandel you

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 * were a worse clown I did like your mouth

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 * mobile uh then John Wayne Gacy I'd bet

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 * you $5 at Howie Mandel's at least killed

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 * one girl oh of course he's killed a girl

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 * right he's a millionaire it's called

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 * dating Hannigan Deal or No Deal you know

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 * when one doesn't show up she's in Howie

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 * Mandel's a fucking torture president on

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 * a torture rack I'll tell you one thing

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 * any girl that dated that's not all right

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 * I don't want to talk too much about the

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 * very very talented Howie Mandel because

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 * if he's listening to this but how he

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 * does will of a god send us some money

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 * just retire and give us shit not kill

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 * any girls you suck and if you did kill a

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 * woman I hope it was one laughing at you

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 * because funny that's right you made a

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 * career doing magic tricks that were

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 * terrible speaking of magic tricks that's

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 * what John Wayne Gacy did as a clown and

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 * I want to say John Wayne Gacy taking a

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 * clown to this universe of horror it's

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 * similar to like if you would see a movie

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 * about an uncle and that uncle was just

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 * super nice and never touched a chai a

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 * biscuit Li out of character for an uncle

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 * I'm an uncle and sometimes I get afraid

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 * that I'm just gonna

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 * one of those molesty ones just because

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 * I'm one because I'm an uncle that's the

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 * thing I mean you've got to do it and

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 * it's not like they're growing into

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 * babies no they are growing into women

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 * uncle's like to ruin kids

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 * why wouldn't they they obviously don't

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 * have any of their own and they hate

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 * their brother or sister absolutely he's

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 * just trying to create chaos so did John

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 * Wayne okay John Wayne Gacy so he ran a

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 * construction company the thing about

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 * John Wayne Gacy is that he was arrested

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 * before yes he had he had a construction

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 * company he was a young man he was like

04:53 20 to 23 in his first marriage yes a 04:55
 * very hard worker model prisoner as well

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 * he was uh was he really was he got

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 * arrested on the charge of raping two

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 * young boys when they served they gave

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 * him a 10-year sentence he then it was a

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 * model prisoner that shows what an

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 * amazing criminal he was where it's like

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 * well he was a I mean it's hard to in

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 * Chicago by the way so we all started

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 * this so we got ten years in prison and

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 * he only ended up serving eighteen two

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 * months they had him they had him in a

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 * fucking concrete square where you belong

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 * but the he was such a good prisoner and

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 * he became the ECAM an advocate for

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 * prisoners rights and got them all arrays

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 * at their jobs they're inside prison jobs

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 * there's um he was a born politician he

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 * was a charged in his uh was it sort of

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 * like a Veterans Association the JC's I

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 * mean that's the thing and if he was

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 * around nowadays this this political

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 * scandal pales in comparison to the ones

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 * that are happening in our world right

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 * now yeah because the JC's back in the

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 * money before he was first arrested they

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 * had like this sex club him and all these

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 * old white men used to get together and

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 * they used to create porns and swap wives

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 * and do all this stuff yeah the crazy

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 * drug stuff and rape boys together is how

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 * they learned how to do that or practice

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 * and then he went to jail and he became a

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 * model prisoner and then got out and then

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 * you know I would imagine in jail he's

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 * surrounded by grown men where is the

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 * temptation there none you know he was

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 * just like I I don't even know how to be

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 * bad here absolutely I mean when you're a

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 * young boy and if you're fat you have

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 * breasts and you don't have any pubic

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 * hair or a chest that's much like you

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 * were born a woman that is my life and

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 * that's why I understand where he's

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 * coming from and I think that's why he's

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 * our favorite because we both were very

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 * fat yeah large bosoms no pubic hair to

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 * show for it's not at all for a while

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 * devastating yeah

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 * devastating for young boy no look like

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 * the Pillsbury Doughboy until I was seven

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 * and then I got back hair yeah that's

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 * good that is true what is that dough

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 * that is for sir hey mom where'd you get

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 * the dough for this friend Henry he's so

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 * nice he's a great buddy

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 * so yes so he ran a construction company

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 * and this is where he started to run in

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 * to young boys all around as a matter of

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 * fact in today's economy

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 * he might be wanted because he hired a

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 * whole series of fifteen-year-old

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 * sixteen-year-old boys to help him with

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 * construction making jobs yeah absolutely

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 * wrote the economy high turnover rates

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 * yeah you know yeah Austin Lee because

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 * half of them ended up at a crawlspace in

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 * his basement the thing was it's oh yeah

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 * so he got out of jail after serving 18

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 * months he glib he lived with his mother

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 * who loved him so much

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 * she was a sweet but I bet there was a

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 * little bit alike I love you your daddy

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 * let's be daddy for tonight because I'm

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 * he was pretty Buse pretty fucked up yeah

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 * I'm sure

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 * so Ethan made a new life for himself and

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 * met a new wife what she must have been a

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 * lover she must've been really fun to be

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 * with well uh yes yeah then of course he

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 * confessed to being gay with this gal

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 * right yeah and they didn't have sex

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 * anymore so then he could just start

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 * having sex which I'm gonna say and I'm

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 * gonna speak for every woman in the world

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 * dream come true yeah every single woman

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 * just wishes their husband was a closeted

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 * gay so they could just agree not to

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 * touch each other

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 * Exeter with marriage does yeah I am so

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 * sick of just can I may I please please

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 * please please please and that's just to

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 * get the remote other thing and then she

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 * she then have finally divorced him and

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 * so he had the house to himself and it

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 * was like the whole house I imagine he

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 * had a moment that risky business moment

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 * where is a dark mansion

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 * tanana and like it was having a good

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 * time yeah I myself and then he went on a

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 * massive killing spree just had the time

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 * of his life

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 * really the peak of his career if we're

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 * talking Jordan we're talking 93 to 96 my

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 * friend did not have to rely on the

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 * fadeaway 70 us dunks yeah

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 * dunks missing a free-throw dunk you

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 * tried to get away I still got your ass

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 * absolutely because I'm bigger than you

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 * and you fat and I somehow con you into

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 * coming over

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 * my house and getting you drunk because

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 * you're working for me my construction

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 * firm we just took there was a thing and

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 * he would have his construction firm so

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 * he started the construction firm and he

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 * would have the kids who were working for

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 * him dig trenches for him underneath his

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 * own house you're essentially digging

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 * their own grave yeah yeah and then like

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 * they retrofitted his whole house to be a

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 * fucking mausoleum and so when they

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 * caught on to him I didn't feel like this

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 * is close to being the tall man from

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 * phantasm a little bit just had a silver

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 * ball that drained people's brain blood

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 * but he's just be about it he's so much

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 * scarier because he's so much more real

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 * and it can happen again it's probably

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 * happening right now oh my god there was

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 * a child right now having the time of his

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 * life you never know what they're into

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 * these days that's right you got Twitter

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 * and all this stuff kids are getting tied

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 * to torture racks all the time so we said

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 * finally very controversial thing about

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 * Gacy Williams in prison he painted a

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 * whole series of fantastic pictures about

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 * Pogo the clown and Henry you are four

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 * and I am against I don't think that

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 * people should necessarily buy the

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 * pictures because a killer made them

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 * although I knew I do understand all

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 * artists are crazy but van Gogh never

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 * painted a picture of that ear that he

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 * suffered I I would really like to own

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 * one they are creepy as fuck they have

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 * this one painting that I really wanted

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 * to buy is on eBay and it's a painting

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 * John Wayne Gacy pin into the clown

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 * looking into a mirror and in the mirror

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 * is this skull face yeah

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 * looking back at him which is really

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 * interesting but it's like I it's just

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 * hard to say yourself every time I mean

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 * absolutely look at me I um I think I'm

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 * having a thin day oh this is nice look

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 * at that

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 * i Henry how are you that's my skull

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 * voice all right III are you doing fine -

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 * a burns when I cut my throat

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 * but the the money would go to sort of

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 * victims associations which is a big like

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 * fucked up thing I was also reading about

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 * how people used to bias paintings and

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 * have group burnings of them they are the

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 * victims of the various victims families

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 * would get together buy off his paintings

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 * the money would go to their charities

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 * for the various moves that the fans in

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 * Cleveland overreacted just a little bit

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 * when they burn all of LeBron James

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 * that doesn't quite equate to killing 33

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 * wait to go to is 35 million dollar Miami

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 * fucking mansion I can't wait oh my god

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 * great if serial killers could join a

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 * league in Gacy was just like I'm gonna

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 * take my talents to South South Beach

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 * yeah the whole show all right well we

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 * got to wrap up this 10 minute episode of

11:09
 * last podcast on the left we'll talk guys

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 * Thank You Margot forward to it thank you

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 * [Music]