Episode 1: The First!/Transcript

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 * [Music]

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 * alright we're ready to go here alright

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 * welcome to the last podcast on the left

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 * first episode numero uno this is very

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 * very exciting I am yours truly Benjamin

00:18
 * Kissel with my co-host the very talented

00:22
 * Marcus Parkes how you doing Ben I'm

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 * doing pretty spooky this of course is

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 * going to be a podcast dedicated to all

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 * things horror as mr. Marcus Parks and

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 * myself were abused as children both by

00:39
 * her parents friends and teachers which

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 * of course led us to the dark arts that

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 * is the horror world so as a true fans

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 * and basically people with nothing else

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 * to do with our lives no I mean there's a

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 * big you at least have a girlfriend

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 * myself I just have a big empty hole

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 * where well I kind of have a big empty

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 * hole as well

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 * aka my girlfriend uh so you know we

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 * decided to do a horror fan annex do and

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 * start a podcast to discuss it and as

01:10
 * they say this will be a very funny

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 * podcast as well a mr. Hitchcock Alfred

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 * Hitchcock once said comedy is the no

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 * horror is the ugly Siamese sister of

01:21
 * comedy so there are one in the same and

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 * to start today's podcast off I feel like

01:27
 * I'm teaching the bible's lesson in a way

01:30
 * to some degree the complete opposite of

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 * it yeah some extent it's biblical in a

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 * way we decided we're going to talk about

01:37
 * the reasons that we fell in love with

01:38
 * comedy as I said earlier we were very

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 * victimized as children which i think is

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 * I think that's a trend amongst people

01:45
 * who enjoy horror I absolutely agree

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 * because I was a child you know who is

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 * very much bullied and all that stuff and

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 * whenever you watch those movies I think

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 * a lot of people would watch watch horror

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 * movie slasher flicks and they're scared

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 * and people like you and me watch poor

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 * movies and slasher flicks and cheer

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 * cheer and root on the killers which I

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 * will say terrifies some women on a first

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 * date

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 * they they do not understand that you're

02:15
 * supposed to enjoy the John Rand to me I

02:17
 * mean I'll take H Ventura pet detective

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 * and I'll say in on Friday 13th to was

02:22
 * slightly funnier it really was I mean it

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 * was incredible and I think that's the

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 * whole point uh one of my personal

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 * favorites is Jason Voorhees I was one of

02:32
 * my favorite slasher killers of all time

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 * simply because uh Jason is a he's

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 * forever a victim yeah he's dead boy who

02:40
 * was drowned by terrible terrible camp

02:43
 * counselors well he was drowned more it

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 * was more negligence than it was active

02:47
 * drowning but I think in law uh in in law

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 * theory negligence they didn't do

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 * anything to stop the boy from drowning

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 * well they didn't really let mean they

02:58
 * were making out they were fucking over

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 * on the dock they were sucking on each

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 * other getting their teats all rock-hard

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 * meanwhile Jason Voorhees crawled out of

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 * bed around midnight he wanted to go eat

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 * some fish fresh out of the lake you know

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 * you he was an odd child we're not

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 * talking about young Prince William over

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 * here or anything like this it was a big

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 * water head childhood bumps all over his

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 * face he he looked like he had a whole

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 * series of tumors going on so yes he went

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 * out to the park they were all suck it

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 * and screwing on each other ends up by

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 * you know drowning the lake and forever

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 * from then on he he has to go and he has

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 * to kill the people who he deems did not

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 * save his ass well true horror fans will

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 * know this but some most people a lot of

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 * people don't Jason does not appear in

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 * Friday the 13th part one and his famous

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 * hockey mask does not come until Friday

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 * the 13th part three thank God because in

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 * front of the 13th part two he just wore

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 * that bag over his head he looked like a

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 * large sack of potatoes this is not

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 * frightening this looks like something

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 * that was just farmed it is pitiful you

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 * know they actually made an action figure

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 * of uh Friday the 13th part to Jason and

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 * it's it's still it looks so pitiful it's

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 * something that you look at it in you

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 * giggle it's like he's holding a he's

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 * hold the pitchfork and he's got his

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 * overalls in the big sack yeah it's just

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 * awful yeah there is there's nothing less

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 * terrifying than seeing a man in a potato

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 * sack that is not a scary look that it

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 * looks

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 * new look you gotta get a new outfit

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 * although I do think hipsters in

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 * Williamsburg are would probably take to

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 * that trend similar to how they were all

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 * dressed as Native Americans three years

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 * ago oh they love that yes so I was in a

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 * band at the time with a guy who is told

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 * that word moccasins everywhere and

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 * thought he was original unbelievable

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 * right that guy he deserved to die in

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 * horror movie absolutely he totally

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 * decided to die in a horror movie he

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 * should have been we should have killed

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 * him let me ask you a question do you see

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 * people just say on the street on the

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 * subway and you think like that person

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 * should die like that person should have

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 * a machete shoved right into their throat

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 * oh my goodness all the time I was

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 * walking up I was on the L train

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 * yesterday I'm going down and there's

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 * always a homeless person right on the

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 * garb homeless people hang out near

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 * garbage cans for some reason I don't

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 * know why perhaps there they're there to

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 * pick up the random wrappers that get

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 * flown out that don't quite make it in or

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 * maybe when people someone throws away

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 * their chicken burrito there that's

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 * called fresh cooking if you get it as

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 * soon as it hits the garbage and you grab

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 * it that's that's the freshest meal

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 * they're going to get all that so there's

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 * this fella coming up the steps but six

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 * feet tall very thin he sounded extremely

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 * gay and I dressed extremely well very

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 * hipster looks at the guy says oh get a

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 * job get a job on Christ I have never

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 * actually heard anybody say that New York

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 * City before especially to this kind of

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 * homeless person this wasn't like a

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 * homeless fellow who had any ability to

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 * get it I don't want him to have a job

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 * the man he was he was extremely

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 * unattractive he was somehow fat as a

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 * homeless people are I don't know well

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 * they just drink beer they just drink

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 * beer yeah and then of course eat fatty

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 * foods out of the garbage all empty

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 * calories all empty calories and they're

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 * not exactly joining Club fit or anything

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 * like that which is a weight weight loss

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 * place in Stevens Point Wisconsin the

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 * nobodies I heard about but but yet that

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 * person who said get a job to the

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 * homeless fella who obviously could never

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 * have a job nor do I want to have a job

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 * you mentioned the homeless guy was your

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 * waiter the next day you saw him out on

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 * the street being homeless and then the

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 * next day you're at Benny's burritos and

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 * he's serving you a plate of fresh food

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 * I'd stay homeless yeah

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 * that fellow it would have been beautiful

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 * to see him skewered like a piece of

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 * pepper and and beef and then another

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 * piece of pepper and then the

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 * mushroom ah uh with a beautiful

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 * beautiful skier because he was a total a

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 * dreadful beast man

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 * and you see those people all over the

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 * place that uh that just need Denise

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 * that's the thing about like Jason

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 * Voorhees he's a humble boy he is and

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 * what really what brought him back to

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 * life was when they killed his mother in

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 * the first episode in the first uh in the

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 * first film you know his mother loved him

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 * very much she had to go on a spree so

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 * obviously it's in his code to sort of

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 * like be able to use a machete of course

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 * and that's the thing he he doesn't

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 * necessarily kill teenagers because he

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 * was drowned kills teenagers because

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 * teenagers kill his mother that's the

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 * thing now going back to being very

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 * humble he doesn't even care that he's

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 * dead frankly his life probably wasn't

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 * that great it was pretty bad yeah eating

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 * crayons and sucking down paste like it

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 * was you know doger just a few steps

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 * below the elephant man oh yeah that's

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 * sad yeah that's very sad so I think

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 * that's what leads to the love of the

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 * horror characters as you're a child and

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 * uh frankly that's the thing and

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 * especially growing up high school kids

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 * are the worst which i think is why they

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 * tend to be the victims mm-hmm

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 * in horror films I always enjoy the

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 * victims of horror films because each one

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 * represents about I would say like thirty

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 * million people of the population they're

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 * all douchey in their own different way

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 * some are nerdy and douchey some are very

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 * attractive some are just very

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 * promiscuous I mean you gotta go and of

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 * course the reason that we would die or

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 * though not any longer for you but with

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 * the marijuana and the drinking still

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 * drinking heavily oh absolutely no what

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 * movie was that the nerdy guy who died in

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 * Friday the 13th part four that we

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 * watched a big fat scary Thursday's was

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 * that part for the guys for yeah the guy

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 * who caught the character who constantly

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 * tried getting laid but all the woman all

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 * none of the women would let him and he

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 * found the pornographic stash of old like

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 * porno movies with the reel-to-reel

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 * that's right he just sat there getting

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 * stoned all the time he died I mean

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 * that's what he did died an amazing death

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 * and he died extremely stoned yeah which

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 * is how you got to go oh that and that is

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 * the most terrifying death possible it

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 * okay on acid that's probably the most

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 * excuse me terrifying death I mean do you

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 * think it's more terrifying to be sober

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 * and stalked by a Jason type character or

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 * an acid because if you're on acid you

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 * can still have the delusion that it's

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 * fake yeah

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 * but it sobered your entire world just

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 * comes shattering right down on you hmm

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 * definitely sober you you're gonna go so

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 * girl I could survive maybe I mean you

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 * hear about those people who were on acid

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 * and they jump out of like a 15 story

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 * window and survive simply because

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 * they're so crazy that their body doesn't

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 * react properly and they're still

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 * loosey-goosey yeah that's why it's like

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 * in DUI situations when someone's driving

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 * drunk they hit a car odds are the sober

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 * person's gonna die because the sober

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 * person recognizes is in the brain that

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 * they're about to crash their body tenses

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 * up everything goes you know broken next

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 * thing you know their their heart has

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 * stopped and they're on their way to the

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 * morgue never to be revived again because

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 * they are not super demon beasts who are

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 * drowned as children but when you're when

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 * you're drunk you can really you can

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 * survive at all so I'm gonna go I'm gonna

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 * go with I don't know what I'm gonna go

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 * with weed and booze okay that's a pretty

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 * good combination yeah I'd like to go I'd

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 * go booze myself cuz I get a little bit

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 * more nerve whenever I got booze you know

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 * you make it definitely you make a few

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 * more split decisions that some may be

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 * right a lot of some might be wrong a lot

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 * of them right a lot of right and frankly

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 * when you're being chased by a Jason

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 * Voorhees type any decision you make you

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 * just gotta make it 100%

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 * yeah get on going because you know you

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 * hesitate for even a second look back you

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 * know next thing you know you fell over a

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 * small twig and Jason's right over you

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 * and he's gonna you know stab you right

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 * in the old heart yeah so who would you

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 * say is your uh who do you imitate your

10:22
 * life after as far as the is as far as

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 * the horror characters go uh you know I'd

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 * say uh okay are we talking like just

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 * characters in any horror movies are we

10:32
 * talking killers I'm talking well I'm

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 * thinking more monsters right now it can

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 * just be killers I'm thinking somebody

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 * that you as you saw as a child that you

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 * related to and that's why whenever they

10:45
 * would be for example I'm also the same

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 * very similar with Leatherface yeah you

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 * know the man was just so deformed and

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 * the mother just they all made fun of him

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 * they all teased him oh my poor boy

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 * there's a lot of poor boy talk and I

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 * always enjoyed that because I was also a

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 * mama's boy

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 * yeah and kids teased me and that's why

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 * just

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 * take a chainsaw to their legs myself I'm

11:06
 * more of a Freddy guy I love Fred always

11:08
 * always happen I love Freddy because you

11:10
 * know I'm I'm kind of skinny like Freddy

11:12
 * and we know there's you know and you can

11:14
 * go into their dreams you don't have to

11:15
 * actually like confront them because

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 * you're a big hulking beast right I acted

11:19
 * totally everyone likes what they are

11:21
 * yeah everyone everyone likes they are

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 * you know and he was kind of witty and

11:24
 * snappy a lot of imagination involved fat

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 * whenever I was a kid I got I don't know

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 * I was probably nine ten something like

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 * that and I went to a costume store you

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 * know because Halloween was always be on

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 * my favorite holiday the best holiday

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 * went to it went to a costume store and

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 * got the full-on like Freddy makeup like

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 * you had to really put some effort in

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 * which I love that they sell to children

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 * by the way oh yes a pedophile and

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 * they're like but kids

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 * go be Freddy em and I got like the Hat I

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 * got a sweater uh and I got the little

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 * like the the glove the one that was like

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 * cloth and rubber cool I would just that

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 * I would just wear around always right I

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 * just always had it on my hand but I

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 * remember I went you know we were doing

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 * door-to-door trick-or-treating al it

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 * grew up in a very small town with a

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 * bunch of old people that they got no

12:18
 * idea what the fuck's going on in the

12:19
 * world

12:19
 * no and I knocked on this old woman's

12:22
 * door she opened the door and just stared

12:25
 * at me and opened her screen door but

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 * would not take her eyes off me open the

12:31
 * screen door grab some candy put it in my

12:34
 * bag and then just walked back into her

12:38
 * house like backed away to her house

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 * didn't say a fuckin word that seems

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 * extremely creepy it was soaked I'll

12:44
 * never forget the look on this woman's

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 * face it also seems as if perhaps she's

12:48
 * had dreams about Freddy Krueger at some

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 * point in her life could be and then she

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 * saw a mini-version little Fred's coming

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 * to her door that would be very petrified

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 * yeah like a tiny 9 10 year old kid you

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 * were saying your neighbors are very far

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 * away and that's because you grew up in

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 * Texas yes and which hey there's not a

13:06
 * lot in Texas except for land space

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 * cattle and farts yeah it was much all of

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 * this and that is where I grew up the the

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 * land of uh you know space cattle farts

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 * cotton nothing my nearest neighbor was

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 * at two miles away and growing up I mean

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 * as I the person I emulated wanted to be

13:23
 * was Freddie right that was the one that

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 * I loved you know Freddie's a bit more of

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 * an urbanist I uh you know Kent kind of

13:30
 * character of course and Leatherface was

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 * who fucking terrified me because even

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 * before I saw Friday or even before I saw

13:37
 * Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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 * I my biggest fear was Drifters oh yeah

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 * because you know we lived on a like

13:45
 * secluded area and every once in a while

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 * you'd have people just like walking up

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 * to the house in the middle of the night

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 * because their car broke down or whatever

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 * my dad walked outside with the gun in

13:54
 * his hand many a time and sometimes

13:56
 * people would like oh we fucked up we

13:58
 * were going to come do something bad but

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 * no that guy has a gigantic 357 manyou go

14:06
 * away and then you go away well which is

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 * equally it's funny because both of those

14:10
 * fears so the home invasion fear on your

14:13
 * end you know it's similar to like them

14:16
 * or or I forget the last home invasion

14:19
 * film with with that Liv Tyler gal to

14:21
 * remake oh yeah the I remember the one

14:25
 * where she got got revenge or something

14:26
 * like some bullshit like that what was

14:28
 * the name of that the stranger sadness

14:31
 * strangers strangers so there was that

14:33
 * horror theme going on with your father

14:35
 * grabbing the gun being like who are

14:36
 * these people coming to my house yeah and

14:38
 * then those the other horror theme going

14:40
 * on if the car broke down in the middle

14:41
 * of nowhere in a Texas town that you've

14:43
 * never been to before you just got some

14:45
 * drugs from fucking Mexico you just want

14:46
 * to get back to North Carolina smoke them

14:48
 * and tell your friends what a terrible

14:50
 * state Texas is your car breaks down

14:52
 * you're walking in the middle of the

14:53
 * woods you see a large house you're like

14:55
 * oh my god alright thank God finally

14:57
 * somebody can help me and those houses

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 * littered the landscape where I came from

15:03
 * like they were those big huge like Texas

15:06
 * Chainsaw they were everywhere and they

15:07
 * were all abandoned yeah I mean all of

15:10
 * them because now there's no people

15:11
 * didn't build their houses next to

15:13
 * anything never like I go we gotta leave

15:15
 * now because I thought this was gonna be

15:17
 * a huge development I thought there's be

15:19
 * a Walmart popping up here any second

15:20
 * yeah it just never came nothing so that

15:24
 * the guy comes to your house and he sees

15:25
 * an old man

15:27
 * now with a handgun so in his mind this

15:30
 * totally innocent part both innocent

15:31
 * people to some degree equally terrified

15:34
 * I've just fallen in to some tobe Hooper

15:37
 * nightmare immediately so both horror

15:40
 * themes are being expressed and it just

15:42
 * leads to both people being terrified at

15:45
 * all times yeah absolutely and the first

15:47
 * time I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre I was

15:50
 * I think like 11 or 12 or something like

15:53
 * that and my nature watches great age and

15:56
 * my parents used to leave me home alone

15:59
 * from the time of like 11 or 12 on like

16:02
 * they go out and do shit like a market

16:04
 * scene take care of himself and they'd go

16:06
 * like and whenever they do that they let

16:08
 * me go to the video store video mania

16:11
 * rate limit great horror section and I go

16:14
 * straight to the horse section and I got

16:16
 * Texas Chainsaw Matt just always get

16:18
 * horror movies and rent those and you

16:21
 * know my parents were gone out in the

16:23
 * middle of nowhere its pitch black

16:24
 * everywhere around me there are no lights

16:26
 * or anything like that pitch-black and

16:28
 * I'm watching tank check Texas Chainsaw

16:30
 * Massacre and the first thing it's like

16:32
 * the fucking first scene you know

16:34
 * whenever right after uh John what was

16:38
 * his name the guy Voight know the guy

16:40
 * from Night Court Oh John something that

16:43
 * he did the narration yeah but whenever

16:46
 * they first show the fucking cemetery

16:48
 * after they've done the grave robbing and

16:50
 * you hear the radio in the background uh

16:52
 * uh they they on the radio you can hear

16:56
 * them mention where all this happened and

16:59
 * they say Childress Texas Childress is an

17:03
 * hour and a half north of where I grew up

17:06
 * I knew exactly where Childress Texas was

17:09
 * that is terrifying so did they they

17:11
 * filmed it there as well no they filmed

17:13
 * it in Austin or outside of Austin okay

17:16
 * but it looked pretty similar looked or

17:17
 * very similar out like I knew where this

17:21
 * town was I knew that it was in close

17:23
 * product I'm in in Texas an hour and a

17:25
 * half two hours is very close proximity

17:26
 * oh that's not considered too far to

17:28
 * travel someplace not at all so your car

17:31
 * breaks down somewhere there is pretty

17:33
 * much a 90% chance that you're at least

17:35
 * an hour away from anything I'd say

17:37
 * there's a well not an hour

17:39
 * I mean any kind of big town or anything

17:41
 * like that at least 15 miles maybe 20 I

17:46
 * love it dependent yeah I mean the

17:48
 * isolation alone in that situation is

17:50
 * terrifying and I said nearest neighbor

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 * two miles away uh

17:53
 * so if anything happens quick I got

17:55
 * nowhere to go like say like say someone

17:58
 * comes in like my parents before the days

18:00
 * of cellphones right you know like never

18:03
 * they probably have cell phones now with

18:04
 * no reception out there anyway yeah yeah

18:06
 * it happens all the time yeah uh and

18:08
 * there's no cell phones whatsoever and

18:11
 * then the first trichter shows up oh my

18:14
 * god

18:15
 * right off the bat fucking director that

18:19
 * they pay like my worst not only are my

18:21
 * worst feels real I my worst fears

18:23
 * realized on film but it's going on an

18:28
 * hour and a half from where I am at that

18:30
 * moment in the middle of the night alone

18:32
 * in the basement of your home well we

18:34
 * didn't have a basement but alone let

18:36
 * alone at in my home uh and it just

18:40
 * fucking it scared the holy living Chad

18:42
 * never had a movie scare me that much my

18:44
 * before sense I love it I love that

18:46
 * feeling so much when I was a kid the

18:47
 * movie that did that for me that I saw

18:49
 * when I was 11 years old with Stephen

18:50
 * King's it oh yeah which it's a funny

18:52
 * standard for people of our generation

18:54
 * it's a standard and it was on television

18:57
 * all the time

18:58
 * one of the only ones you could really

18:59
 * actually watch and you kind of trick

19:01
 * your parents into thinking it was okay

19:03
 * for you to see and that would that was

19:05
 * the first one that just I couldn't go to

19:07
 * the bathroom I had to have my friend

19:09
 * wait outside the door for me to go to

19:11
 * the bathroom yeah but as soon as I

19:13
 * watched that movie as soon as it was

19:14
 * done I started again I just watched

19:16
 * immediately watched it again

19:17
 * and there's something that's what I

19:19
 * watched II see in the next day you yeah

19:21
 * yeah you just go in these King I'm at

19:22
 * scene cut scene here like a thousand

19:24
 * times

19:24
 * oh yeah now on the special collector's

19:26
 * edition like it's beautiful it's amazing

19:28
 * and once you have that initial fear it

19:30
 * never really goes away so even I even

19:33
 * now the graphics for it are insane like

19:35
 * you know when when Pennywise is coming

19:37
 * through in the shower and he spreads the

19:38
 * the whole the drain hole open it it's so

19:42
 * claymation and awful and like pathetic

19:44
 * looking and but at that time it was

19:46
 * unbelievable and I still get scared as

19:49
 * hell when I see that damn clown and I

19:51
 * just always will until I die yeah

19:53
 * a funny thing about that was uh uh that

19:56
 * guy that played the clown also uh Rocky

19:58
 * Horror Picture Show Tim Curry Tim Curry

20:00
 * he was slightly scary in the rocky or

20:01
 * pictures lightly he also uh played a

20:04
 * bellhop in a home alone - oh is that

20:07
 * what it was now well he was a front desk

20:08
 * guy played a butler in clue well hey we

20:11
 * know a lot about Tim Curry Wow how does

20:13
 * that happen

20:14
 * I guess we're homosexuals I had no idea

20:18
 * but that's the thing that's the other

20:20
 * thing you know going back to being

20:23
 * scared and all those things once you

20:25
 * watch a horror movie you get the fear

20:27
 * but then you watch it again you keep on

20:29
 * watching it you beat this you beat the

20:31
 * fear yeah you know and that's what

20:32
 * that's what I think that I the John R is

20:34
 * all about the genre is all about

20:36
 * experiencing things that you would never

20:37
 * want to experience in real life so when

20:39
 * you do experience them in real life

20:41
 * you'll be a little bit more ready it's

20:43
 * not quite that bad it's not quite that

20:46
 * bad I think that's gonna be like I got a

20:48
 * little bit more of a stomach for for

20:50
 * life you know I think about death so

20:52
 * much only because I just don't want to

20:55
 * be scared when I finally die

20:58
 * I mean I think the death needs to be

21:00
 * discussed more so that's what's so great

21:02
 * about the horror films I mean they don't

21:03
 * glorify it or anything like that it

21:04
 * looks terrible yeah you know but frankly

21:07
 * watching somebody get beheaded on a

21:10
 * horror film desensitizes you enough to

21:13
 * the fact that it happens in real life

21:15
 * and it lets you take take things with a

21:18
 * little more levity yeah and a little bit

21:20
 * more like well they just died yeah I

21:23
 * guess that's the one and it's kind of a

21:25
 * funny thing like the that's always um

21:26
 * it's always thing that kind of uh it's a

21:29
 * it's a reassurance in a way the worst

21:31
 * thing that can happen to you yeah you

21:33
 * just die yeah you know I mean actually

21:35
 * the worst thing that could happen to you

21:36
 * is to be buried alive yeah and oh god

21:39
 * loli slowly died yeah I would have

21:43
 * really fucks with me a lot I'd rather be

21:44
 * burned alive and buried alive really

21:46
 * yeah

21:47
 * Wow very interesting I think that if you

21:50
 * get burned alive you you tend to die

21:52
 * pretty quickly from the from the fumes

21:54
 * alone right yeah yeah you die / but it

21:57
 * also depends on say if you're in a like

21:59
 * say you're in a house fire or something

22:00
 * like that like you're going to die from

22:02
 * smoke inhalation before you die from

22:03
 * being burned alive right but say someone

22:06
 * just you know dumps

22:07
 * gasps onion light she on fire it's going

22:10
 * to be very painful but it Cindy is going

22:12
 * to be extremely painful but that tear is

22:14
 * going to be so concentrated that it's

22:17
 * not I'd much rather have like quick

22:19
 * concentrated terror in which I'm not

22:22
 * really even going to know what's going

22:23
 * on all that much you know I think to

22:25
 * compute the brain confusion yeah yeah

22:27
 * the brain bution is just going to be

22:28
 * ridiculous but being buried alive

22:30
 * like that's going to take a long time

22:32
 * you would have to starve to death I mean

22:34
 * it could take weeks no you'll run an

22:36
 * oxygen long before that oh yeah I

22:38
 * suppose that's true that's true

22:40
 * I would say if you could be if you had

22:42
 * to be killed by one horror character

22:44
 * I'll give you five will give you a

22:46
 * Leatherface Freddy Krueger Jason

22:47
 * Voorhees Michael Myers or pinhead what

22:51
 * death are you taking in why Jesus Christ

22:53
 * well pinhead and you know the Krueger

22:56
 * those are both out it's suffering like

22:59
 * that is enough fuck around yeah Hal ray

23:01
 * our pinhead that suffering uh Freddie

23:04
 * that's just pure terror

23:06
 * I'm guessing Voorhees because he's a

23:08
 * quick kill guy he is a quick kill gun

23:10
 * kind of sneaks up on you before you know

23:11
 * your head's gone yeah that's exactly

23:13
 * what about you ah man you know the thing

23:17
 * is it's tough because I see what you're

23:19
 * saying about Freddy yeah and I

23:22
 * definitely don't want pinhead and it is

23:24
 * the worst I don't want any I want my

23:26
 * skin on my body when I die yeah I don't

23:29
 * need all of my body parts but I want all

23:30
 * of the skin um so Devon up in head I

23:33
 * would say leather face but you know they

23:38
 * leather face every time he cuts off your

23:41
 * bone it goes up let's say he cuts off

23:43
 * your leg then he always assaults the

23:45
 * wound yeah then he keeps you hanging up

23:47
 * on a hook

23:48
 * anything hook related to similar with

23:49
 * Hellraiser I don't want any hooks in me

23:51
 * now never so not uh not leather face

23:54
 * Mike Myers the butcher knife is that's a

23:57
 * painful he had to painful death yeah and

23:59
 * you're not gonna you're gonna take a

24:01
 * little bit to bleed out from that one

24:03
 * unless you get your right in the temple

24:04
 * or right in the heart you're gonna bleed

24:06
 * out yeah yeah that's true and you know

24:08
 * to be just looking at a blank William

24:10
 * Shatner face I can't have that be my

24:12
 * last visual either um and then of course

24:15
 * there's Jason which I agree is a quick

24:17
 * kill but who I would want to die

24:19
 * would be Freddie simple because first of

24:21
 * all sleeping is my favorite activity so

24:24
 * if I fell asleep one night and I just

24:27
 * never woke up I would die doing what I

24:30
 * loved most that's that's true and there

24:33
 * is something about dreamworld which I

24:36
 * know you like feel the pain and you

24:38
 * really die in real life but you know if

24:41
 * I have to if he turns me into a

24:42
 * cockroach and then put me into a large

24:45
 * cockroach hotel and I get glue trapped

24:47
 * and I have to tear my arms off and

24:49
 * whatnot

24:49
 * my favorite Freddie death by the way

24:50
 * it's pretty awesome yeah I mean I would

24:53
 * look down and be like that's pretty cool

24:55
 * macaque Roach turned me into like this

24:57
 * thing that I never thought I would ever

24:59
 * be yeah and now I am or you know you

25:01
 * probably also hear a couple of good

25:03
 * jokes before you die that's the thing

25:05
 * he's a charmer yeah yeah and of course

25:07
 * he's going to stroke you off uh if I was

25:10
 * a younger boy perhaps I've outgrown him

25:12
 * so yeah I would go Freddy Krueger he is

25:14
 * he's funny he's charming he's witty you

25:16
 * get to die while you're sleeping uh

25:19
 * there's always a large blood bath he can

25:20
 * turn you into any series of things and a

25:22
 * lot of times he lets the people think

25:24
 * that they're having a good a good time

25:26
 * yeah you know I got Johnny Depp and the

25:29
 * very first one with the waterbed thing

25:31
 * Johnny Depp was having a great time yeah

25:32
 * I was they needed them with the

25:34
 * wonderful blood spill and yeah I mean

25:36
 * what's the kid yeah that one kid Allah

25:39
 * he was playing video games with the

25:40
 * child where the I mean if I was a video

25:42
 * gamer I would think if I could die being

25:45
 * a video game character that's pretty

25:47
 * badass that's pretty badass indeed yeah

25:49
 * it's not bad at all so I feel like

25:50
 * Freddy fulfills a fantasy in some degree

25:53
 * of course then he kills you but if I was

25:54
 * gonna die I'm going Freddy all right I

25:56
 * can dig that absolutely yeah all right

25:59
 * so we got to do of course we have you

26:01
 * want to do this movie review real quick

26:03
 * yeah let's do it you just saw an amazing

26:05
 * movie that I think a couple of people

26:07
 * out there probably only seen the trailer

26:09
 * and I know whenever I saw the trailer

26:11
 * you don't really know whether to take it

26:12
 * seriously or not but you love this movie

26:14
 * what is it the movie is called rubber

26:17
 * it's a it's a fantastic film I'm telling

26:19
 * you it's one of the most original films

26:21
 * since Marcus Parks here turned me onto

26:23
 * the prune Brothers school on xhamster if

26:26
 * you get a chance check that out that's

26:27
 * horror it was directed written by this

26:30
 * Quinton do pokes do

26:32
 * pekes do pouch to POS do P Oaks D Co and

26:36
 * I will say the film completely shatters

26:38
 * a third wall it brings you right in

26:39
 * there's there's an audience in the film

26:42
 * watching the film with the audience it's

26:44
 * really bizarre by the end I felt like I

26:46
 * deserved a sag card I'm telling you it

26:48
 * was a really it was really amazing it's

26:50
 * basically about a telekinetic tire and

26:53
 * as the powers of the telekinetic powers

26:55
 * and it goes through town blowing

26:56
 * people's heads off which it's you know a

26:58
 * pretty fantastic way to die if I I would

27:01
 * say if I did have to die anyway getting

27:04
 * the head blown off is one of my favorite

27:05
 * ways to go not be a great one yeah

27:07
 * instant instant and you know the stories

27:10
 * everyone says before they die they would

27:12
 * get the flashbacks of everything they've

27:13
 * done in their life I do not want that I

27:15
 * want no record no recollection before I

27:18
 * die of the terrible things I've done to

27:20
 * people and I'm not even sure my brain

27:22
 * can remember them I'm drunk so so much

27:25
 * uh so I would say this uh do Poe

27:27
 * character is absolutely brilliant the

27:29
 * whole film is about how there is no

27:31
 * reason in movies uh and there is no

27:34
 * reason in this film there is like not

27:36
 * there's nothing that explains why it

27:37
 * exists and frankly there's no reason why

27:40
 * it shouldn't exist which i think is sort

27:42
 * of the point and so I would say this

27:45
 * movie is a the tire is extremely human

27:48
 * they somehow like similar like they did

27:50
 * with Wally uh-huh you know they so they

27:52
 * took this tire and they made it like

27:54
 * they gave it like actual human emotion

27:55
 * somehow and it's a what I say is

28:00
 * described as a victim fighting for

28:02
 * survival in a world in a human world I

28:04
 * mean tires are abused yeah they are and

28:06
 * going back to what we were talking about

28:07
 * earlier with with all the characters

28:09
 * every horror character is always abused

28:10
 * I can't imagine a worse life than being

28:13
 * a tire yeah it's the worst your read on

28:15
 * the entire time when you when you start

28:17
 * to go flat they just kick you you're a

28:18
 * slave you're a slave to a you know a

28:20
 * toyota which is awful

28:23
 * so as with all good horror characters

28:25
 * the tire is a sympathetic antihero we

28:28
 * live vicariously through as it kills the

28:30
 * representation of all that we hated

28:32
 * growing up yeah which is small-town

28:34
 * local yokels and to have very stupid

28:37
 * sheriff's so if you see one movie this

28:40
 * summer I say see Arthur but if you see

28:42
 * the two I say see Arthur again but then

28:45
 * if you see

28:46
 * three make sure to watch rubber endorsed

28:49
 * right here but the last podcast on the

28:51
 * left you heard it first absolutely

28:53
 * well that was fun it was great all right

28:56
 * and now we're going to talk in studio

28:58
 * we're very very lucky to have our first

29:02
 * guest and he will be here quite often oh

29:04
 * yes this guy is amazing I met him right

29:06
 * before we came in here to the studio

29:07
 * very interesting character well we only

29:11
 * have two chairs here in the studios have

29:14
 * been you're gonna have to leave all

29:17
 * right I'm going to take off and let's

29:23
 * welcome into the studio Ouija Ouija yes

29:28
 * great to have you here are you doing

29:30
 * well yes that's great so you're here to

29:33
 * tell us about a Rob Zombie's new movie

29:35
 * the Lords of Salem yes ha that's

29:38
 * wonderful

29:39
 * it being that you're a bit of a specter

29:41
 * yourself what do you think about a Rob

29:43
 * Zombie's new film about the Salem witch

29:45
 * trials and the Salem witch trials uh we

29:48
 * we lost a lot of good witches to those

29:51
 * honky-ass crackers I I remember back

29:53
 * then people used to try to get demons

29:55
 * like me out of women by drowning hanging

29:58
 * hell even raping but ever would know the

30:02
 * only way to kill a demon is with love

30:04
 * Wow that's very interesting

30:07
 * so back to zombies movie it seems like

30:09
 * this one is gonna really hit home for

30:11
 * you yes can you remember any of your

30:14
 * spirit friends that you lost during the

30:16
 * Salem witch trials yes I lost many bad

30:19
 * friends of course not bad meeting bad

30:22
 * but bad meaning good hey that's a Run

30:25
 * DMC lured Peter Peppers wrote it where

30:27
 * do you think they got the lyric from

30:29
 * Sorry Sorry calm down I didn't realize

30:32
 * that you contributed so much to pop

30:34
 * culture uh but anyway you were saying

30:36
 * about bad friends lost yes I lost many

30:39
 * some were demons I met here in hell

30:41
 * others were ghosts of people I once

30:44
 * haunted Oh a witch's mainly mmm very

30:47
 * interesting so you were close with the

30:49
 * people you hunted didn't they resent the

30:51
 * fact that you took over their bodies

30:53
 * does a heroin addict regret the fact

30:56
 * he's high yes but I am NOT here

30:59
 * I am a demon spirit that opens the eyes

31:02
 * of mere mortals and allows them to see

31:04
 * the great beyond that can only be

31:06
 * described as staring into the butthole

31:08
 * of an abyss

31:09
 * yeah but then you know people would be

31:13
 * burned or drowned or even raped to death

31:16
 * all because you possess their bodies

31:19
 * that's terrible for people now now they

31:22
 * were happy to die that's why I possessed

31:25
 * mainly women it was a terrible time to

31:28
 * be alive women think they have it bad

31:30
 * now because men don't put their toilet

31:33
 * seat up but back then there were no

31:35
 * seats and they were the toilets

31:38
 * metaphorically I would assume no men

31:41
 * literally use them as outhouses

31:43
 * okay okay we've gotten off track and

31:46
 * frankly that was disgusting what do you

31:48
 * remember most about your days in Salem

31:50
 * honestly I had a great time during the

31:53 1600s it was really hundred years of 31:56
 * demon Woodstock we experimented with

31:58
 * haunting previously thought impossible

32:00
 * it was at this time we learned to spin

32:03
 * victims heads completely around without

32:05
 * killing them and when the reverse

32:08
 * crab-walk really became in vogue we were

32:12
 * just young demons having the time of our

32:14
 * deaths and just sounds like a fantastic

32:16
 * century well you know we got a run soon

32:19
 * but do you have any advice for a Rob

32:22
 * Zombie as he makes this film I would

32:24
 * tell Rob remember the pain of the times

32:26
 * no one was saying if they were saying

32:29
 * they were too retarded to realize what

32:31
 * was going on it was a time of foul

32:34
 * stretch

32:35
 * foul behavior and foul justice also if

32:38
 * you can please put my character in the

32:40
 * film that would be great

32:42
 * I personally caused 158 women to be

32:45
 * burned at the stake 250 stores seven

32:49
 * women to be drowned and 1080 women to be

32:54
 * raped I actually set the rape record

32:56
 * amongst all demons Wow does that record

32:59
 * holder this day now the ghost of Jerry

33:03
 * Garcia beat me Wow

33:06
 * that is a wonderful bit of tribute for

33:08
 * all of our fans out there and for all of

33:10
 * our deadhead fans as well be sure to

33:12
 * spread the word

33:12
 * what an amazing interview thank you so

33:15
 * much for coming into the studio eg thank

33:17
 * you good bye good bye indeed and mr.

33:20
 * zombie I hope you take into

33:22
 * consideration what we G said oh man what

33:26
 * I miss uh you missed a disgusting demon

33:29
 * coming in uh - frankly scare the holy

33:32
 * living fuck out of me

33:34
 * but you know what we're gonna have him

33:35
 * back again soon hell yeah thank you for

33:37
 * being here we G and that's gonna wrap up

33:39
 * the first podcast on the left yeah hell

33:42
 * yeah Thank You Marcus what a good time

33:44
 * thank you been a wonderful time I'm Ben

33:46
 * Kissel Marcus parks we'll see you next

33:48
 * week and we'll talk more horror things

33:51
 * horror things over things

33:54
 * [Music]